Added: Krissa Vicini - Date: 25.08.2021 02:38 - Views: 17235 - Clicks: 9750
Ok, so I have apparently been under a major misconception. The reason I'm asking this is because I was talking to a dom today and I was telling him that my last dom essentially told me that doms do not love or care about their subs. The man I was speaking with told me that my last dom was right. That doms might to some extent care about their sub but do not love them because they cannot love a woman to whom they've caused pain.
He said that most likely the only way a dom can love a sub is if he falls in love before he does any spanking or anything. Is this true? I mean, I'm not a huge romantic. I'm not obsessed with finding love or any nonsense like that, if I fall in love I fall in love but if I don't my life is completely whole on its own. But seriously?
Is that why there are so many people who are in a vanilla relationship and have a BDSM one on the side? I'm asking because I really have a skewed understanding of love and all of that. I guess I don't really understand it. That comes with insanity. I was hoping a sane person could explain. I mean, obviously I'm hoping someone will tell me that doms really can love their subs but truth would be appreciated. Maybe some other experience? It's kind of depressing lol.
I think they are wrong. I know plenty of couples who spank and love each other. Also as a switch and a touch of a sadist domme when I top I personally care More about my subs after I have caused them pain. I find it creates a more intimate connection. I don't see how it could possibly get in the way of a loving relationship. Also discipline is hard work. If there wasn't care involved I think there are plenty of tops who wouldn't do it.
Not to mention plenty of subs who wouldnt let a top touch them if they didnt feel cared about much less loved. So yeah in my opinion those two idiots were very can a dom fall in love with his sub. Something messed up w their conception of domming and causing pain not to mention their ideas of a relationship. I think that if they approach causing pain like that without care and believing the woman to be not worth love if she bottoms they are not safe or hoodtops to bottom too.
I personally if iI heard that kind of opinion would refuse to play or have anything to do with the top much less allow them to discipline me. In my opinion discipline doesn't work if there is no caring involved. I have walked away from disciplinarians BC I did not feel cared for. So good luck and don't settle for less than you deserve. Like any other, most likely there are Doms that are nice, and some that are jerks If you have a need to be submissive and in love, and that is your expectation - then my guess is that you should be able to find someone who is Dominant, and has the same need and expectation to be in love with their partner.
I'm going to think on this before I post I've seen relationships both ways, but for the most part I've lived as a sub off and on for many years and I have yet to be with someone who didn't love me or at least care deeply, but I have to agree with Ben Some Doms want control and sex, others want a sub they can take care of and mutual needs met. I personally would never get into a relationship that didn't involve some kind of deep feelings. But don't confuse this with a Mentor and Mentee. Mentors care about their mentee, but usually love isn't involved.
They are there to help and guide until the mentee is able to do it on their own. It's usually not a permanent thing. The feelings of care and concern are still there, as is the platonic love, but that's not really the venue for romantic love as frequently one or the other are married.
And, again, with any type of pairing in this thing we do, take your time, perform the due dilligence that's necessary to keep you safe and sane before you enter into a relationship. I for one would not want anyone who did not care for me disciplining me. I think there are all kinds of "love" between partners no matter what the relationship is labeled not just romantic love.
I would be VERY leery of anyone who said that they could not love or care for me because they had caused me pain. When I meet with a spanker I'm not concentrating on the "pain", but on what the ultimate goal is for the session and as far as I know my spankers aren't just trying to cause me pain. Sometimes it just takes time to find the right fit. Please be careful and be true to yourself. I am a sub, and my husband who is the HOH loves me very much.
Married for 15 years and many more to come with me hopefully over his lap when it is deserved.
Speaking for myself depending on the "relationship" between myself and the spankee determines how I feel for her. I have spankees that are spanking partners and I still have a genuine care and concern, as in a strong friendship, for them.
For some I am Daddy and the level of care and concern in those situations is deeper. It is my goal to help them reach their desires and see them grow and succeed in achieving their goals. As stated in earlier posts above, people are people. You need to have genuine communications with the other party and ensure you are both on the same. I answer any question my spankees ask of me honestly and to the best of my ability. I want everything known and agreed to upfront before we even begin so there are no surprises later. So state your expectations and desires upfront and ask questions as necessary till you are satisfied that your concerns are addressed satisfactorily.
When romance comes into the picture, Love takes on a different face. Its expressions are different but no less sincere. If the person you're with is getting a thrill out of seeing you in pain that you consent to but don't enjoy, you've got a big problem on your hands and i'd suggest you gtfo BEFORE it crosses into non consent. Yes a good Dom or Master or Mentor what ever they call them self should establish a loving relationship with their sub.
Without love, compassion or a level of caring the Dom is only using the sub for their personal pleasure. There will be many Doms who disagree with my approach and this post. We all have different opinion and methods. I don't want to give up control and all that to some jerk who just wants to control and hurt me. If that makes sense.
My last Dom was a piece of work. However, I did learn to be a little more selective and to expect a little more from being with him. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't right in that a sub shouldn't expect any kind emotions to be poured her way and I wasn't just spinning fairy tales in my head or something lol. I wish you the best of luck in your search. Domination without love, which certainly doesn't have to include sex is one step away from abuse.
It's seeing people as objects to do things to, not as people Ya know Mikey, there's an entire kink around that. In my experience abuse comes into the picture when owners are indifferent to their things.
Also, domination can and does happen without love. The one step away from abuse is in a lack of care and respect. Without it. I would feel like the dom was simply into no more than a sense of power and control; and to me that is dangerous. I would never consent to that type of relationship.
Like a lot of posts here, the main problem seems to be communication. If you want a relationship then establish that early on. Yes in a relationship Doms or Tops or whatever you wish to call the dominant party do love their subs. In my relationship I discipline Melia because I love her, not simply because it turns me on.
You can ask the same thing about sex. Do guys who have sex with women love them? Depends on the context and what has been communicated beforehand. I love my sub. I have had subs that I was not with long enough for love to come into play, though. But for them to claim that they cannot love simply because they're Doms, is horse puckey. They want the sex and play without any commitment, and they make excuses that it's because they're Doms. Thank you everyone! I really just needed confirmation.
Yes, most of the doms with whom I've spent time have been jerks. I just really wanted to make sure that they were jerks and I wasn't just being crazy and expecting too much. You'd think by now and at my age I'd have this all figured out already. Unfortunately, the whole concept of domination is one that naturally can attract a whole bunch of jerks. It usually happens when someone over-simplifies and misunderstands the concept as one deed solely to give the dom a power-trip.
Speaking from a broader BDSM wide perspective, The key words to the entire concept of domination are "control" and "dominate", nowhere in that equation lies the word demean. If the interaction should have any meaning it should be that that it fulfills both parties to make them more complete and confident persons.
That fulfillment will come in very different aspects because of the different roles, but that is the purpose of the relationship. Be patient, and don't jump at every opportunity, take your time, and find someone who truly understands that. Love is something that happens after sustained close intimacy-but respect and kindness are something that should be inherent at the beginning with every dom that you pursue.
Take care. Speaking just for myself, I think that the proposition "doms can't really love their subs" is well past wrong and into outright batshit crazy. Like Tom Cruise crazy. Timecube crazy. I-don't-even-know-what-premises-you're-starting-from crazy. And speaking as a fellow Portlander, I am embarrassed out of civic pride that you got such crummy advice from someone else here in Stumptown.
We're supposed to be the cool city, dammit, and guys like that are not doing our reputation any favors.Can a dom fall in love with his sub
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